Category Archives: Art theft

2012, Amateur lawbreakers, Amazon Prime, Art forgery, Art Gallery, Art theft, British, Career Criminal, Clever Plot, Comic Moments, Disguises, Eccentric cast of characters, Happy ending, Hopeless Love, Romance, Scottish, Suspense

Doors Open (2012)

From Amazon Prime:

Mike McKenzie is a self made millionaire with time on his hands and a love of art. He has built an admirable collection for himself at auction, advised by his friend, Professor Gissing. Made bitter by his
impending layoff, Gissing persuades Mike to help him commit the perfect crime – to steal valuable paintings from the collection of one of the country’s leading banks right from under its nose.

From Amazon Prime you can stream this 1 hour 40 minute complete film.

Douglas Henshall, who plays Mike McKenzie, is perhaps better known to us as DI Jimmy Perez from the Shetland series (which you should not miss).  In this film made in 2012 Henshall was a young looking 47 years old. In the 2022 Shetland episodes, 10 years later, Henshall looks much older.

Taking place in Edinburg, Scotland,  this film treats us to pleasant sounding Scottish accents. Stephen Fry, who plays Professor Gissing, is one of those Brits whose face is immediately familiar even if we cannot somehow place him in any particular film.  His resumé is enormous (Doctor Who anyone?)

Kenneth Collard, who plays Allan Cruickshank, is the perfect bumbling pessimist.

Combine a large variety of criminals of one sort or another with lots of clever and funny plot twists to produce a very enjoyable and often tense hour and 40 minutes.

Who says crime doesn’t pay?

2021, Abduction, Acceptable for teenagers, Action Film, Ambitious Dirty Tricks, Amusing banter, Art theft, B-movie, Bromance, Buried Treasure, Career Criminal, Chase film, Comic Moments, Complicated Scams, Confusing Plot, Conspiracy, Martial Arts, Mayhem, Must suspend disbelief, Netflix Streaming, Plot twists, Suspense, Torture, Witty dialog

Red Notice (2021)

From Netflix:

An FBI profiler pursuing the world’s most wanted art thief
becomes his reluctant partner in crime to catch an elusive
crook who’s always one step ahead.

From Netflix you can stream this 2 hour complete film.

Brainless but fun, what else would you expect from a combination like Dwayne Johnson and Ryan Reynolds?   Both of them have found their cinematic niche – stupid action films.

Funny bromance banter,  great action (the body doubles are capable athletes),  some surprising plot twists, explosive digital effects, and the usual requirement to suspend disbelief all provide the entertainment.

Popcorn and a cessation of cerebral activity make for a fun watch.

1996, Amazon Prime, Amusing banter, Art theft, Boating, Bumbling Detective, Comedy, Pratfalls, Unloved Child

Two If By Sea (1996)

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From Amazon Prime:

A couple steals a Matisse painting on contract. They manage to escape the police. The sale takes place 4 days later on an island. Things don’t go as planned.

From Amazon Prime you can stream this 1 hour 35 minute comedy.

When you just want to relax and have a few laughs you cannot beat a Sandra Bullock movie.  Pratfalls always provoke a belly laugh from me even though I should not fall (get it?) for such nonsense.

However, here and in many of her films there is some amount of seriousness.  In “All About Steve”  she is encouraged to accept her very different personality. In “Two If By Sea” she works to convince her professional thief of a boy friend to go straight, talk meaningfully to her, and get a job.

What a relief such films can be!

2019, Acceptable Trash, Art Critic, Art Marketing, Art theft, Artsy Fartsy, B-movie, Bisexual theme, Bloody scenes, Eccentric cast of characters, Greed, Horror, Netflix Streaming, Nudity, Sex Scenes

Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)

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From Netflix:

A feared critic, an icy gallery owner and an ambitious assistant snap up a recently deceased artist’s stash of paintings — with dire consequences.

From Netflix you can stream this 1 hour 52 minute horror of a film.

Perhaps the first horror is that  an accomplished actor such as Jake Gyllenhaal allowed himself to appear in this schlock festival.  Perhaps the second horror is that I allowed myself to watch the entire mess.

Imagine Gyllenhaal appearing as an effete, almost effeminate bisexual art critic. At first I did not recognize him.  As a first guess maybe he needed the money. Or maybe he just wanted to add a horror film to his remarkable resumé.

If there is an underlying theme in the film, it is that the collective of art critics here are a rare species that speak an inscrutable art language consisting of meaningless gibberish while all the time they are really only interested in fooling their clients into spending vast sums of money.

Alas, their greed is their undoing!

If you can afford to waste two hours of your life, then have at it!

 

2016, Abduction, Action sequences, Amusing banter, Art appreciation, Art forgery, Art theft, Attempted Murder, Based on a Book, Character Driven, Comic Moments, Contract Killing, Crime, Eccentric cast of characters, Flirting, German, Love Story, Luxury Appreciation, MHz Choice, Murder, Suspense, Theft

Allmen (2016)

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From MHz Choice:

Humorous, fast-paced detective stories about the exploits of Johann Friedrich von Allmen, gentleman art thief turned amateur sleuth. Based on the novels by Martin Suter.

From MHz Choice you can stream 3 episodes of this German series. Each episode lasts about 1 hour and 27 minutes. English subtitles.

Allmen is a gentlemen with champagne tastes but unfortunately often in great debt to such an extreme that he is about to be evicted from his palatial family estate.  At every turn he is accompanied by his faithful but usually worried valet Carlos.  In fact Carlos has every right to fear of the safety of his boss who constantly puts the both of them in mortal danger. Allmen could be described both as an expert in the finer things of life and also as a clever deadbeat.  Watch him bluff his way into getting a suite in a luxurious hotel without paying a dime.  Along the way and throughout the series he is involved with the beautiful millionairess Joelle ‘Jojo’ Hirt.   Carlos also finds the love of his life, Maria Moreno.

Think of the series as a mannered theatrical tour through beautiful places accompanied by detailed discussions of luxury possessions and consistently droll conversations.

 

2021, Abandoned child, Action Hero, Adopted child, Art theft, Art Treasures, Clever Plot, Contract Killing, Corrupt policemen, Corruption, Detective, Disguise expert, Escape Artist, Father-son relations, Fist Fight, Frame someone for a crime, French, Mildly Violent, Murder, Netflix Streaming, Personal Betrayal, Physical fighting, Police Corruption, Police Investigation, Police Politics, Problematic Ending, Revenge, Suspense

Lupin (2021)

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From IMDB:

Inspired by the adventures of Arsène Lupin, gentleman thief Assane Diop sets out to avenge his father for an injustice inflicted by a wealthy family.

From Netflix:

Years after a tragic injustice, Assane seeks to settle a score — and a debt — by stealing a diamond necklace, but the heist takes an unexpected turn.

From Netflix you can stream 5 episodes of this revenge drama. Each episode lasts about 50 minutes.  French with English audio and subtitles.

Assane is given as a young child a book recounting the adventures of the daring escape artist Arsene Lupin.  In plotting the revenge for his father’s unjust prison death, Assane becomes a master of disguise and clever ruses.

WARNING:  Five great episodes do not finish the story.  Netflix calls the 5 episodes “Part 1” probably because the story just abruptly discontinues.

Good entertainment as far as it goes!?!