Category Archives: Mediocre

1997, Based on true facts, Drag Queen, Gay theme, Imperfect, Love Story, Magic Realism, Mediocre, Murder, Murder Trial, Somewhat trashy, Transvestite theme

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997)

Leave a comment

From NetFlix:

When magazine writer John Kelso (John Cusack) travels to Savannah, Ga., to cover a chichi party thrown by urbane antiques dealer Jim Williams (Kevin Spacey), he is pulled into his subject’s intriguing murder trial and introduced to a throng of colorful locals. Set against the beguiling backdrop of Southern high society, this retelling of John Berendt’s novel by director Clint Eastwood also stars Jude Law as Williams’s lover, Billy Hanson.

After I read the book in preparation for a trip to Savannah, which is the scene of the novel, I then watched this film, which turned out to be fairly faithful to the text. In the book Jim Williams has four trials, whereas in the film he has only one. Unfortunately this long film is merely mediocre. In fact, some of my watching companions went to sleep.

Jude Law, who was 25 years old at the time of shooting, has a rather limited part although his murder is central to the story.

Kevin Spacey is ever the cool, suave gentlemen.

“The Lady Chablis” is played by a real life drag queen named “The Lady Chablis”.

John Berendt’s novel is base on actual events.

Heard enough?

2011, 2012, Acceptable Trash, Action Film, Action Hero, Amnesia, CIA, Complicated, Computer geeks, Conspiracy, Corruption, Imperfect, Love Story, Mediocre, Netflix Streaming, Nothing special, Often downright silly, Political Suspense, Ridiculous plot, Somewhat ridiculous plot, Suspense, Terrible acting, Thriller, Unrealistic, Violent

XIII: The Series (2011)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

A highly trained former secret operative cannot remember his past. To rediscover it, he must take on missions from those he cannot trust.

Each of season one and season two offer 13 episodes. All 26 episodes may be streamed from Netflix. Would you really do that?

Stuart Townsend (who was Jack McAllister in the TV series “Betrayal”) plays Agent XIII, a super human who almost never loses a fight, who leaps onto running trains, who comes back from torture with nary a scratch, and so on. Remember the old weekly movie series: At the end of episode N our hero is in a terrible jam and about to perish. At the beginning of episode N+1 our hero moves on the next challenge. Just suspend disbelief and watch XIII and his sidekick Jones (played by Aisha Tyler) battle moles in the CIA, a corrupt ex-President, sadistic assassins, paranoid survivalists, and the list goes on.

If you can do other things (such as fold laundry) while you watch one of the innumerable episodes, at least the time spent will not be a complete loss.

1990, Complicated, Conspiracy, Corruption, Imperfect, Lawyers, Mediocre, Murder, Murder Investigation

The Two Jakes (1990)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

World War II is over, and an older, wiser Jake Gittes still works divorce cases in this sequel to Chinatown. Developer Jake Berman asks Gittes to get proof that Berman’s wife is cheating on him — and wants other things Gittes doesn’t yet know about.

Hopefully you remember “Chinatown” because 16 years later Jack Nicholas is back as one of the Jakes, J.J. ‘Jake’ Gittes, along with Harvey Keitel as the other Jake, Julius ‘Jake’ Berman.

For my money this film is not the classic that “Chinatown” is. Moreover the plot seemed to me to be a bit complicated, if not downright contrived.

If only for the sake of film history you might want to see this film, but there are so many other films calling to you.

2014, Action Film, Action Hero, Ancient Greece, Based on true facts, Explicit sex, Mayhem, Mediocre, Mixed Martial Arts, Navy, Nudity, Rape, Revenge, Violent, War

300: Rise of an Empire (2014)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

Rodrigo Santoro is back leading the Persian forces in their invasion of Greece as mortal-turned-god Xerxes. Determined to thwart him is Greek general Themistokles, who takes to the sea in his quest to unite his country.

If you liked the film “300”, you will like this very similar film. Gerard Butler has been replaced by Sullivan Stapleton. Needless to say, the violence bar was raised considerably. (Is Hollywood having a violence competition ?)

Lena Heydey (Cersei Lannister of “Game of Thrones”) plays the Spartan Queen Gorgo.

If nothing else, you might want to appreciate the importance of the battle of Salamis.

Numb your brain and watch ships crashing into one another, Themistokles attempting rough sex with Artimesia, and lots and lots of blood splatter. Or watch something intelligent.

2014, Based on a Book, Ethical struggles, Historical Fiction, Mediocre, Muddled biblical references, Ridiculous plot, Suspense, Violent

Noah (2014)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

This ambitious adaptation of the story of Noah depicts the visions that led him to voice dire prophesies of apocalypse and to build an ark to survive. As he labors to save his family, Noah asks for help from a band of angels called the Watchers.

Half of this film is somewhat ridiculous. Following a fanciful and jumbled interpretation of the Bible book of Genesis, we meet Noah and his family somehow surviving in a barren middle of nowhere, doing their best to avoid the sinful descendants of Cain (who slew his brother Abel) who have managed to ruin the earth. Due to a series of visions Noah is convinced that humanity will be punished and should be eliminated.

After a forest miraculously sprouts up around him (don’t ask!) , Noah gets help building an arc from a band of outlandishly conceived Watchers who most closely resemble moving rock piles.

We watch in wonder as zillions of birds, snakes, reptiles, and mammals somehow fit into this wooden monstrosity.

So why did I continue watching this Bible-rama?

  • Russell Crowe does a pretty good job as an anguished man determined to do what he thinks is God’s will.
  • As unsubtle as it is, the idea of humanity producing its own demise is all too realistic. (Advice: take swimming lessons)
  • Just how two sons and one daughter-in-law will go forth and multiply is tricky.

Once again, the film was worth watching at least on a seven hour plane ride.

2013, Abduction, B-movie, Car Chase, Child abduction and murder, Complicated, Conspiracy, Crime, Mediocre, Murder, Not Recommended, Revenge, Torture, Violent

Collision (2013)

Leave a comment

From Netflix;

On their honeymoon in Morocco, Scott and Taylor Dolan set off on a day trip through the Sahara. When something goes terribly wrong, the couple find themselves stranded in the middle of the remote desert with no way home.

Put about a dozen disparate characters at a crash site in the desert. Learn their secrets one by one. Watch almost everyone of them die or go to prison or get away with murder. Endure a lot of violence and not terribly good lines.

Can you say “Skip this one”?

2000, Acceptable for children, B-movie, Based on true facts, Black History, Corny at times, Deep Sea Diving, Feel Good For All, Human spirit, Mediocre, Military, Navy, Navy Diver, Sea Rescue, True Story

Men of Honor (2000)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

Against formidable odds — and an old-school diving instructor embittered by the U.S. Navy’s new, less prejudicial policies — Carl Brashear sets his sights on becoming the Navy’s first African-American master diver in this uplifting true story.

HBO recently showed this 14-year old film. As with most films about real-life heroes (military and other), the story is compelling while the film can be a bit corny, as in “wearing your emotions on your sleeve”. Nonetheless, Carl Brashear was brave, persistent, and an admirable role-model.

Spoiler: this old-fashioned film has a happy ending. Give the film a B and enjoy it.

2013, Barely Acceptable Trash, Corruption, Could Be Hard To Watch, Crude Talk, Drug Dealers, Drugs, Explicit sexual discussion, Greed, Lawyers, Mediocre, Not Recommended, Revenge, Sadism, Sex Scenes, Suspense, Violent, Vulgar

The Counselor (2013)

Leave a comment

From Netflix;

Michael Fassbender stars in this thriller penned by iconic novelist Cormac McCarthy as an attorney who mistakenly believes he can dabble in the drug business without any consequences — only to find himself drowning in a nightmarish downward spiral.

With a few exceptions (“In Her Shoes”, “My Best Friend’s Wedding”) Cameron Diaz has been typecast as a slut. This film is not one of those exceptions. In fact she plays a well-dressed completely amoral woman that engineers sadistic deaths for several men and women. “Sadistic” here is not an exaggeration:

  • Witness a motorcycle scene in which the rider is purposely and cleverly decapitated. Heads will roll!
  • Witness a woman’s body being thrown by earth movers into a public garbage dump. You will recognize this victim.
  • Witness an automatic, unstoppable, non-cuttable wire loop that before it strangles its victim, it cuts the carotid artery. You will also recognize this victim.

Does this sound like a sadistic gore contest?

Of course there are always the required sex scenes which in our current sex scene contest offers Cameron Diaz having sexual intercourse with an automobile. For kicks she then tries to confess to a Catholic priest who leaves the confessional in disgust.

You are hereby encouraged to SKIP THIS FILM!

2013, Acceptable Sci-Fi, Action Film, Action Hero, Based on a Book, Good digital effects, Mediocre, Nothing special, Violent

Oblivion (2013)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

High above a war-torn future Earth, Cmdr. Jack Harper is maintaining the planet’s defensive drones when a crippled starship enters his territory. Its sole occupant, a mysterious woman, leads Harper to shocking truths about humankind’s legacy.

Good digital graphics, plausible plot and the usual really bad guy (a machine named TET) versus some nice survivors make this nothing-special sci-fi film bearable. Fortunately Tom Cruise does not try to act, pulling instead that old trick of keeping a perfectly straight face and letting you supply appropriate emotions on his behalf.

If the ending confuses you, you might try believing the plot description in Wikepedia.

If you have nothing better to do, then the adventure may not be a total loss.

2013, Computer geeks, Corruption, Crime, FBI, Gambling, Mediocre, Nothing special, Police Corruption, Violent, Vulgar

Runner Runner (2013)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

After losing a lot of money to online poker, a Princeton student confronts the site’s shady CEO, Ivan Block — and soon becomes Block’s protégé. But when an FBI agent tries to take Block down, the relationship between mentor and protégé goes south.

Here is your opportunity to see Ben Affleck as the bad guy and Justin Timberlake as the “good guy”. Anthony Mackie is an FBI agent who is another “good guy”. Take that phrase “good guy” with a grain of salt. Makie is just plain ruthless and not beyond murdering in the course of obtaining “justice”. Note how cynical films have become? Timberlake starts out as an intelligent but somewhat naïve Princeton student gambler. Rather than ruthless, he is just plain cunning. Affleck eventually reveals his sociopathic personality.

You more or less have seen this plot in other film incarnations and it is nothing special. But, and correct me if I am wrong, I do not remember Affleck as a villain in any previous film.