Category Archives: Bad Acting

1994, Action sequences, Bad Acting, Classic, Conspiracy, Drama, Good Brother - Bad Brother, Jealousy, Kanopy streaming, Mediocre, Mother-son relations, Murder, Norse Tale, Nudity, Old-Fashioned, Period Piece, Personal Betrayal, Political Conspiracy, Revenge, Sometimes seems silly, Uncle-Nephew relations

Royal Deceit (1994)

From Kanopy:

An ancient Danish story of evil, power and human spirit, that subsequently inspired William Shakespeare on his tragedy, Hamlet. When the king of Jutland is murdered by his brother, the dark prince claims both the throne and Queen Geruth. Although her son saw the murder, he feigns madness to spare his life.

From Kanopy you can stream this 28 year old film lasting 108 minutes.

Somehow, way back in 1994, the film got past the censors.  Have you ever seen a naked Helen Mirren?  Indeed, there is a lot of nudity in the film.

Give credit to the fact that the filming of this medieval tale hopefully stayed true to the Norse conditions of the time.  Buildings are humble and crude. Clothing is rudimentary.  Weapons and warfare are amateur affairs.  Somehow, killing a man  by simply sticking a short knife somewhere in his body just does not look convincing.

Delivery of the spoken lines is a bit stilted.

Watching a film that is 28 years old gives us a chance to see what familiar actors looked like way back then. And what a difference!

  • Christian Bale as prince Amled was 20 years old.
  • Gabriel Byrne as the evil brother Fenge was 44 years old.
  • Helen Mirren as queen Geruth was 49 years old.
  • Kate Beckinsale as Ethel was 21 years old.
  • Tom Wilkinson as king Hardvendel was 46 years old.

 

2019, Abduction, Abortion, Acceptable Trash, Bad Acting, Bloody scenes, Brother-Brother relations, Corny at times, Cross Dressing, Dark family secrets, False Imprisonment, Family Conflict, Fantasy, Fist Fight, Flashbacks, Frame someone for a crime, Gay Bashing, Gay theme, Good Brother - Bad Brother, Human experimentation, Mediocre, Murder, Netflix Streaming, Rape, Religious Cult, Religious fanatic, Religious Nonsense, Ridiculous plot, Romance, Suspense, Violent

Glitch (2019)

From Netflix:

A police officer and a doctor face an emotionally charged
mystery when seven local residents inexplicably return
from the dead in peak physical form.

From IMDB:

Six people return from the dead with no memory and attempt to unveil what brought them to the grave in the first place.

From Netflix you can patiently (if that is possible in this sad case) stream 3 seasons of unreality. Each season contains 6 wonder-filled episodes of about 54 minutes length.

Succinctly put, these 18 episodes present almost acceptable nonsense for the truly bored.   Each of the “arisen” was murdered in his or her former life and have been given a chance to discover the murderer and to right past wrongs.  At least at first my attention was fixated on amending past injustice. In addition, there are actually some small patches of good acting and character interaction. Unfortunately there was an equal amount of really bad, maudlin (i.e. weeping) acting. As time wore on, good guys became bad guys and sometime became good guys again. Moreover when the plot devolved into the hero-villains trying to save the universe from ending,  I almost threw in the towel. For better or worse I persisted to the end. Now I have to find another trash series.

Waste no time on this clunker.

2020, Alcoholism, Anti-Gay Laws, Anti-Semitism, B-movie, Bad Acting, Barely Acceptable Trash, Black struggles, Career Competition, Corny, Ethical struggles, Extramarital Affair, Family Conflict, Father-daughter relations, Feel Good Not For Children, Gay Bashing, Gay Prostitution, Gay theme, Happy ending, Hollywood Culture, Homophobia, Imperfect, Longsuffering wife, Love Story, Male Chauvinism, Male Prostitute for Women, Male Prostitutes, Marital Infidelity, Maudlin, Mediocre, Mostly About Sex, Netflix Streaming, Nudity, Oscar Awards, Preachy, Promiscuity, Romance, Satire, Sex Scenes, Sexual promiscuity, Soap Opera, Unhappy Marriage, Vulgar, Women's Equality

Hollywood (2020)

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From Netflix:

While waiting for his big break, aspiring movie star Jack Castello accepts a job at a local service station that pumps more than just gas.

From Netflix you can stream the 7 episodes of this soap opera. Each episode runs between 45 and 58 minutes.

Maudlin. Salacious. Corny. Subtle as a brick. Clichéd. Barely acceptable trash. Maudlin. Raunchy. Preachy. Woke. Terrible acting. Production errors.  And the list could go on.

My college freshman rhetoric teacher suggested that in order to better appreciate good examples of a given art discipline such as literature, music, and film, it helps to experience the bad examples. Well, with this film we now have a golden opportunity to experience one of the lesser achievements of the movie industry.

“Golden Tip Gasoline” is a gas pumping station that doubles as a gas pimping station for the young male gas attendants who will “fill your tank” if the customer uses the code word “dreamland”, no matter if that customer is male or female.   Not only all these attendants but also their boss and some customers have Hollywood aspirations. One way for such a gas pumper to get his start is to service those customers who are part of the Hollywood management nobility. Instead of casting couches it seems there were casting nozzles.

Rather than merely prurient attractions, this story offers a noble sub-theme: No longer would the film industry suppress black,  gay, and women actors.

Indeed from the goings-on we might suspect that half of Hollywood consisted of closeted gays .  As an example: One client, say Jake, is so stupid that when he drives up to engage Archie Coleman he can’t remember the word “Dreamland”. But they hook up and eventually fall in love.  Jake is told he cannot act. Nonetheless he forges ahead.  Because he could not remember two lines, his first screen text required 67 takes. Because Jake is as handsome as he is stupid, some producer accepts him but says “Jake” is not an acceptable screen name and must be changed to ROCK HUDSON (get it?). His boyfriend Archie is a black man (horrors!) who wants to become a screen writer. Camille Washington is a black woman (even worse!) who wants to have some screen role other than playing a maid (uppity!). And so it goes on and on for 7 episodes.

Is this a satire? Have I missed something here?

If you can last till episode 7, which is aptly named “A Hollywood Ending”,  you will be rewarded with a happy, sappy ending. Amen!

But just remember I LOVE TRASH!

2017, Acceptable for teenagers, Agatha Christie, B-movie, Bad Acting, Car Chase, Controlling personality, Could be boring, Detective, Emotional abuse, Family Conflict, Mediocre, Murder, Murder by poison, Murder Investigation, Netflix Streaming, Revenge

Agatha Christie’s Crooked House (2017)

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From IMDB:

In Agatha Christie’s most twisted tale, a spy-turned-private-detective is lured by his former lover to catch her grandfather’s murderer before Scotland Yard exposes dark family secrets.

From Netflix you can stream this 2 hour complete film.

Both aging actors and young players unite to produce a classic  but somewhat dull and badly acted Agatha Christie mystery story. Among the aged are Glenn Close (elegant and beautiful),  Gillian Anderson (tired in a really ugly black wig), Terence Stamp (what an immense resumé) , and Julian Sands.  Gillian Anderson has done herself no favor with her exaggerated (embarrassing?) performance.

Except for finally learning which of these awful people is the killer, there is not much to gain is watching this sad, mediocre work.

 

2009, Abandoned child, Abduction, Abuse of Women, Amazon Prime, Bad Acting, Bloody scenes, British, British Mystery Series, Bullying, Child abuse, Could Be Hard To Watch, Emotional child abuse, Father-son relations, Grim, Grisly, Narcissistic Personality, Occasional gore, Pedophilia, Psychopath, Rape, Sadism, Serial Killer, Suspense, Unloved Child, Violent

Above Suspicion (2009)

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From Amazon Prime:

Does rookie detective Anna Travis have what it takes to succeed in what is still mostly a man’s world? Based on the bestselling novels by Lynda La Plante, this hit British police drama is a “younger, sassier successor to Prime Suspect” (The Telegraph, U.K.)

From Amazon Prime you can stream seasons 1 and 2 of the 4 existing seasons. Season 1 consists of 2 episodes lasting roughly an hour each. Season 2 consists of 3 episodes each lasting about 45 minutes.

“Grim” is the word that immediately comes to mind.  An effort was made to present some really gory scenes.  Fortunately the two stories offer plots that are good enough to warrant watching. Fortunately, I say, because the lead detective DCS James Langton is played by Ciarán Hinds who as a loud ham of an actor is a bit hard to take.  His sidekick opponent Anna Travis learns to stand up to Langton’s offish bullying.

Gory but watchable.

1999, Amazon Prime, Bad Acting, Comedy, Eccentric cast of characters, Eccentric Detective, Explicit sexual discussion, Happy ending, Love Story, Male Prostitute for Women, Mostly About Sex, Nudity, Outrageous Behavior, Sex Scenes, Slapstick, Somewhat ridiculous plot, Tourette's Syndrome, Trash, Vulgar

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)

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From IMDB:

An average aquarium cleaner house-sits for a gigolo, only to be forced to become one himself.

From Amazon Prime you can stream this 1 hour 28 minute comedy film.

It seems I have reached the very bottom. Rob Schneider plays the hapless aquarium cleaner in a very trashy film that offers crude language,  a large set of strange and bizarre women who will pay for our hero’s services, and some genuine belly laughs.

Our gigolo actually never has sex with his “clients”,  instead trying to make each woman happier about herself.

You must appreciate slapstick comedy to enjoy yourself.

I LOVE TRASH!

2020, Abduction, Action sequences, Amnesia, Bad Acting, Barely Acceptable Trash, Brother-Sister relations, Conspiracy, Corny, Detective, Ends in Cliff Hanger, Extramarital Affair, Failing Marriage, Government cover-up, Government human experiment, Government mind-control, Human experimentation, Kidnapping, Lesbian Theme, Love Triangle, Marital Infidelity, Maudlin, Mother-son relations, Must suspend disbelief, Netflix Streaming, Often downright silly, Paranormal theme, Plane Disappearance, Religious Nonsense, Short-lived suspenseful episodes, Sometimes seems silly, Suspense

Manifest (2020)

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From Netflix:

When a plane mysteriously lands years after takeoff, the people onboard return to a world that has moved on without them and face strange, new realities.

From Netflix you can stream two seasons of this fairly awful series. Season 1 has 16 episodes and season 2 has 13 episodes.  Every single episode lasts exactly 42 minutes, which may have been the only technical achievement of the series.

Holy Maudlin!  There were enough tears shed during this slop opera to irrigate California.

Holy Unbelievable! Find yourself in a tight spot?  Just invent some miraculous paranormal intervention.

Holy Gullible! How on earth could I watch all 29 episodes expecting to be satisfied with the ending.  Perhaps it is because I LOVE TRASH.

MISS!

2021, Abuse of Women, Acceptable Trash, Action sequences, Bad Acting, Bloody scenes, Boating, Complicated, Confusing Plot, Corny, Corruption, Drama, Ethical struggles, Explicit sex, Extramarital Affair, False Imprisonment, Family Conflict, Father-daughter relations, Father-son relations, Fist Fight, Gay theme, Illegitimate Child, Love Story, Marital Infidelity, Murder, Netflix Streaming, Nudity, Poor plot management, Prison, Rape, Revenge, Spanish, Suspense, Telenovela, Violent

Who Killed Sara (2021)

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From IMDB:

Hell-bent on exacting revenge and proving he was framed for his sister’s murder, Álex sets out to unearth much more than the crime’s real culprit.

From Netflix you can stream two seasons of this never-ending Spanish telenovela. Season one offers 10 episodes. Season two consists of 8 episodes.  Each episode last about 40 minutes. Spoken Spanish with English subtitles.

As is usually the case  “Spanish Telenovela” implies “acceptable trash.”  Be prepared for a complicated, ever shifting plot and characters that seem to pop out of nowhere.  You might want to make a list of characters as this pot boiler proceeds.  Try and guess the fathers of each of the illegitimate children.  Do not get upset if the time sequence is sometimes incorrect.  Nor does it matter if sometimes the chosen actor just doesn’t seem to match the role because that is how telenovelas are made.

For a good time just muddle your way through this cinematic mess that wants to be serious.

2018, Abuse of Women, Acceptable Trash, Addiction, Adultery, B-movie, Bad Acting, Bloody scenes, Brother-Brother relations, Bullying, Conspiracy, Controlling personality, Corny, Corruption, Cult Brainwashing, Detective, Drugs, Dysfunctional Lives, Eccentric cast of characters, Eccentric Detective, Emotional abuse, Ethical struggles, False Imprisonment, Family Conflict, Flashbacks, Frame someone for a crime, French, Good Brother - Bad Brother, Imperfect, Improbable details, Jealousy, Mental Illness, Mother-son relations, Murder, Murder Investigation, Must suspend disbelief, Netflix Streaming, Nudity, Often downright silly, Outrageous Behavior, Police Corruption, Prison, Problematic Ending, Psychiatrists, Psychological Drama, Revenge, Romance, Sex Offender, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Predator, Sometimes seems silly, Suspense, Troubled Personality, Unjust crime conviction, Violent

The Break (2018)

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From Netflix:

Soon after arriving in Heiderfeld, inspector Yoann Peeters is called to the scene of a suspected suicide and begins uncovering troubling details

From Netflix you can stream the 10 episodes of Season 2 of this French (English subtitles) crime soap-opera.  Each episode lasts about 50 minutes.

SECOND REVIEW: Please note that there is already a review for Season 1 which is dated 2016.  To appreciate Season 2 you should first watch Season 1.  My review for Season 1 raves positively and might now be taken with a grain of salt.  It is still true that I was so taken with the plot, characters, and mystery that I once again binged on the series. However, this time let me be a bit more critical.

For adjectives describing this strange-fest consider: exaggerated, corny, repetitive, histrionic,  improbable, riddled with inconsistencies,  and ending in a questionable conclusion.  How’s that for damning with praise?

So what is so watch-worthy?  For one thing the cast consists of some of the more peculiar non-Hollywood characters I have ever seen.  All names hereafter are the character names because it is unlikely that any of the French and Dutch actors will be familiar.  Dany Bastin is the center of attention as the accused.  He is a skinny young man whose entire body is marked by a severe case of psoriasis.  When was the last time you saw an actor with truly repellent skin? He, his brother Christian, his brother’s wife Zoe, and his mother all seem to be underfed, sub-intelligent, unattractive, poverty-stricken  members of some lower order of humans.  Astrid du Tilleul is the wealthy, nasty, dissolute, drug addict murder victim. Her jealous sister Astrid and Astrid’s husband are the oddest looking pair of scheming and murderous morons to hit the screen.  Even dumber are some of the police officers.  At least one officer, Marjorie, is, however,  honest despite her physical unattractiveness.  Not so honest is her partner.

On and on and on goes the series. Yet somehow I was eagerly drawn to each episode (like a moth to a burning candle?)  If my description has not yet turned you away from this mess,  just have fun watching the exaggerated set of unlikely events.  You won’t know “who done it” until the very end.

2019, Acceptable for teenagers, Bad Acting, Barely Acceptable Trash, Beautiful Seaside Town, Blackmail, Bloody scenes, Career Competition, Chick Flick, Child Molestation, Contract Killing, Contract Maiming, Corny, Corruption, Dancing, Detective, Drama, Drug Dealers, Drugs, Eccentric cast of characters, Ends in Cliff Hanger, Ethical struggles, False Imprisonment, Family Conflict, Fist Fight, Frame someone for a crime, Friendship, Gangs, Gay Bashing, Gay theme, Improbable details, Latino Culture, Love Story, Male Prostitutes, Mediocre, Melodrama, Mental Illness, Mother-son relations, Motorcycles, Murder, Murder Investigation, Must suspend disbelief, Netflix Streaming, Nudity, Personal Betrayal, Plot twists, Police Corruption, Police cover-up, Police Politics, Rape, Revenge, Ridiculous plot, Soap Opera, Sometimes seems silly, Somewhat trashy, Spanish, Telenovela, Uncle-Nephew relations, Unjust crime conviction, Various Romances, Violent

Toy Boy (2019)

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From Netflix:

A stripper sets out to prove his innocence for a crime he didn’t commit and was unjustly incarcerated for seven years earlier.

From Netflix you can stream the 13 episodes (each episode about 70 minutes) of this Spanish telenovela.  Many spoken languages and caption languages are available.

Spanish telenovelas inhabit a world of their own.  Chief among their attributes are “corny”, “amateurish”,  and “sometimes really stupid.” So why on earth did I watch this unintentionally laughable marathon? Netflix seemed to promote this series, so I started. Injustice and villains always get me going.  Because I have to see justice done I just keep plodding along to the end.

Before you waste your time let me list some of the “features” of this charmer:

  •  You might enjoy listening to the original Spanish (as in Spain, not Latin America) sound track. You might want Spanish captions. At the very least it could possibly be a learning experience although there are better options.
  •  Each tension point is almost immediately resolved so you don’t have to get all worked up.  Sometimes those immediate solutions seem far fetched or just too convenient.
  • Recall that telenovelas for all their involvement with sex are really very chaste.   Certainly the endless number of male stripper dance sequences are as innocent as they are boring.
  •  Warning: From the very last scene, it is obvious that there will probably be another season or even 100 more seasons. Possibilities are endless.

You can do much better, but in a certain sense the whole production is a hoot!