Category Archives: Corny

2003, Acceptable for children, Acceptable Sci-Fi, Acceptable Trash, Action Film, Adventure, B-movie, Based on true facts, Corny, Hundred Years' War, Military, Sci-Fi, Suspense, Violent

Timeline (2003)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

In the near future, when a technology corporation has created a method for traveling into the past, a history professor gets trapped in 1357 France, prompting his students and son to travel back in time and face untold perils to rescue him.

In yet another B-movie 30-year-old Paul Walker and 34-year-old Gerard Butler get to travel back to France during the Hundred Years’ War. (Old films certainly show us how quickly we age.) Who knows how historically accurate the life of that era is portrayed? At any rate this is NOT a film to be taken seriously. Just in case you don’t remember intimately the details of the Hundred Years’ War, you can always read the Wikipedia account from which the following quote is taken:

The Hundred Years’ War, a series of conflicts waged from 1337 to 1453, pitted the Kingdom of England against the Valois Capetians for control of the French throne. Each side drew many allies into the fighting.

The war had its roots in a dynastic disagreement dating back to the time of William the Conqueror, who became King of England in 1066 while retaining possession of the Duchy of Normandy in France. As the rulers of Normandy and other lands on the continent, the English kings owed feudal homage to the King of France. In 1337, Edward III of England refused to pay homage to Philip VI of France, leading the French King to claim confiscation of Edward’s lands in Aquitaine.

Edward responded by declaring himself to be the rightful King of France rather than Philip, a claim dating to 1328 when Edward’s uncle, Charles IV of France, died without a direct male heir. Edward was the closest male relative of the dead king, as son of Isabella of France who was a daughter of Philip IV of France and a sister of Charles IV. But instead, the dead king’s cousin, Philip VI, the son of Philip IV’s younger brother, Charles, Count of Valois, had become King of France in accordance with Salic law, which disqualified the succession of males descended through female lines. The question of legal succession to the French crown was central to the war over generations of English and French claimants.

As far as this B-film none of that matters. Just grab some popcorn and chill out with the on-screen corn.

2013, Acceptable for children, Action Film, B-movie, Bullying, Corny, Could be boring, Fantasy, FBI, Good digital effects, Mayhem, Sci-Fi, Violent

Man of Steel (2013)

1 Comment

From Netflix:

In another revival of the Superman legend, reporter Clark Kent must keep his alien origins and fantastic powers hidden from the world at large. But when the Kryptonian General Zod plans to destroy Earth, the Man of Steel springs into heroic action.

No amount of digital eye-candy can turn a B-movie into an A-movie. Kids (some of whom are in their 70’s) will enjoy the visuals. However, if you are looking for anything but corny dialog and bathos, look elsewhere.

How does it happen so often that such an extravaganza features as actors a long list of well-known personalities? Look for Michael Shannon, Diane Lane, Russell Crowe, Richard Schiff, Christopher Meloni, Kevin Costner, Lawrence Fishburne. And the list goes on. Assumedly they were each paid a great deal of money.

To be sure, the bullies never win. But it might be almost boring fun watching them try. For awhile my money was on the evil General Zod and his evolutionarily advanced buddies.

2013, B-movie, Comedy, Corny, Feel Good Not For Children, Imperfect, Melodrama, Optimistic, School Teacher, Sex Scenes, Teenagers

The English Teacher (2013)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

Devoted small-town English teacher Linda yearns for love. Enter Jason, a former student whose career as a Broadway playwright didn’t pan out. When she persuades him to stage his play at the school before giving up, love — and controversy — arises.

Nathan Lane, Julianne Moore, and Greg Kinnear join forces to give us a film which is both a comedy and a somewhat corny melodrama. Thank goodness for the surprising belly-laughs. Although you might give this film a B+, there are some interesting plot turns. Moreover, the events are all too possible (“What! A high school teacher having inappropriate sex! Impossible!”) . Several of the principle characters do have some bad moments, some soul searching, and experience some happy changes.

However, that high school play seemed too lame for the audience to be so excited. But then parents can appreciate just about anything positive.

Since I am not really raving about this film, I feel I can offer a small spoiler: there is a happy ending.

2013, Acceptable for children, Acceptable Trash, Action Film, Corny, Frenetic, Nothing special, Orchestral Music, Sci-Fi, Violent

Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

This sequel returns much of the cast from the Star Trek feature released in 2009, breathing new life into the seemingly ageless space franchise. Led by the intrepid Captain Kirk, the Enterprise crew still includes Scotty, Spock and Chekov as well.

If you are a fourteen year old male or have left in your psyche enough adolescence, then you might enjoy this nothing-special sequel to a sequel to a ….

As far as digital effects go, the eye-candy is just fine. If you don’t mind an incredibly over-sentimental (in fact, downright sloppy) script, then jump right in. Maybe you will watch out of sheer perverse loyalty.

2008, AIDS, B-movie, Barely Acceptable Trash, Corny, Drugs, Dysfunctional Lives, Explicit sex, Gay theme, Gritty, Marital Infidelity, Melodrama, Murder Investigation, Not Recommended, Nudity, Prison, Religious Theme, Ridiculous plot, Sadism, Suicide, Suspense, Terrible acting, Unrealistic, Violent

The Fall (2008)

Leave a comment

From Netflix:

When his loser brother is accused of killing a priest, Frank (Scott Kinworthy), a hotshot lawyer with lofty political aspirations, steps in to defend him. But as Frank digs up the truth, he uncovers damning revelations from the past that could ruin his future. Written and directed by John Krueger, this suspenseful drama follows the conflicted attorney’s difficult choice between saving his sibling or himself.

If you are ever teaching a course in film writing or acting and you need an example of really bad writing or acting then have I got a HORRIBLE film you can use to great effect!

Only the (somewhat farfetched) plot kept me watching. Not that it would have cost me anything to stop watching this film streamed from Netflix. At times I sat watching in open mouthed wonder that anyone could act in such an amateurish and exaggerated manner. Think high school actors (although I have seen better acting in high school plays).

If the acting seems bad, wait till you learn the plot. Although I will spare you the gory details, this film manages to dredge up plot lines involving a hotel for gay encounters, a priest who commits a theatrical suicide, adultery, a psychotic gay prisoner, attempted murder using the AIDS disease, sadistic prison guards, a completely amoral and ambitious wife of a lawyer, and the list goes on.

Do not claim that I did not warn you! On the other hand, aren’t you really curious to see just how bad this film really is?

2012, Acceptable for children, Based on a Book, Based on true facts, Biographical, Corny, Docudrama, Manic depression, Military, Politicians, Race Relations, Slavery, Steven Spielberg, True Story, War

Lincoln (2012)

Leave a comment

From NetFlix:

Director Steven Spielberg takes on the towering legacy of Abraham Lincoln, focusing on his stewardship of the Union during the Civil War years. The biographical saga also reveals the conflicts within Lincoln’s cabinet regarding the war and abolition.

As soon as the film started I knew this was directed by Steven Spielberg even though I hadn’t realized that before the film started. How could I possibly criticize the work of a great director? However, taking advantage of my American freedom of speech I cannot fail to notice that his films are: long (this one logs in at two hours and thirty minutes), grandiose, possibly long-winded, and wear their hearts on their sleeves (dare I say “corny”?).

Once you get past that first scene in which black union soldiers personally berate Lincoln for the U.S. military discrimination against black soldiers and then walk away reciting by heart Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address (honestly, I am not joking), then you will begin to realize that this film concerns almost exclusively the passage of the Thirteenth Amendment which abolished slavery.

Please read the rather long Wikipedia article which talks about Doris Kearns Goodwin and her wonderful book “Team of Rivals” which was the inspiration for the film. In fact you might want to read “Team of Rivals” which my wife Kathy read twice and still talks about. You might then appreciate more all those scenes of roundtable meetings with Lincoln talking to (arguing with ?, confronting ?) groups of importantly-dressed men. Lincoln cleverly surrounded himself with men who were not only his rivals but were adversaries with their other cabinet members. That is the point of “Team of Rivals”.

Listen to the language these politicians used. Although it may seem flowery, that is how educated people back then actually spoke. Words were important then as opposed to our current twitter-dumb manner of speaking.

At first I squirmed and then settled down to watch 2.5 hours that really zoomed by. As an capsule introduction to Lincoln and his times this film is worth watching.

2012, Corny, Could Be Hard To Watch, Dancing, DO NOT MISS, Drama, Dysfunctional Lives, Feel Good Not For Children, Frenetic, Manic depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Sports

Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

Leave a comment

From NetFlix:

After a four-year stay in a psychiatric institution, former teacher Pat Peoples has no choice but to move back in with his mother. While he’s trying in vain to reunite with his wife, Pat meets another woman fated to change his life.

Let me make several observations:

  • I LOVED THIS FILM!
  • You will either love or hate this film.
  • Probably the best adjective that describes this film is “manic-depressive” or more accurately “manic”. At the very least it is never boring.
  • From time to time certain scenes might make you cringe.
  • Actors in the film have mastered “speed-speaking”.
  • Bradley Cooper is brilliant.
  • Jennifer Lawrence is beautiful. More importantly she is a perfect counterpart to Bradley Cooper. They must have rehearsed for hours to get their fast (everything in this film is fast) dialog so well tuned.
  • Don’t miss the dance scenes. Is that really Bradley and Jennifer dancing or is it faked?
  • Robert Di Niro is convincing with his own Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. His trying to connect with his son is touching.
  • Betting on sports is insane.
  • Betting on a dance contest is even more insane.
  • Cheers to Jacki Weaver, Chris Tucker, Anupam Kher and John Ortiz for providing such great supporting roles.
  • Is the last part of the film a bit corny?

Are these observations enough to get you interested in a film that I highly recommend. DO NOT MISS!

2011, Corny, Dysfunctional Lives, Feel Good Not For Children, Flirting, Slacker

Jeff, Who Lives at Home (2011)

Leave a comment

From NetFlix:

Siblings Jay and Mark Duplass direct this comedy focusing on two brothers — one a moderate success, the other still living with Mom. A trip to the store for glue, however, turns into an encounter with destiny for the stay-at-home slacker.

Do now films glorify slackers so regularly that I must add the film category of “slacker”? Granted in this year of 2012 unemployment is a genuine problem, but Jeff does seem to live in la-la-land. For the entire film he chases after any experience that is connected with the name “Kevin”, sometimes to his real detriment.

Jeff has a brother Pat whose marriage is in trouble. At least Pat is employed but he could be a lot more responsible and also responsive to his long-suffering wife Linda. Their situation and discussions ring very true.

Their mother Sharon (played by Susan Sarandon) comes off as a needy, lonesome woman who has no idea how to help her son who lives in the basement. Her flirting with an anonymous admirer is fun to watch and also a bit sad. Surely there are a lot of women in her position.

Finally a somewhat extreme episode unites Sharon, Jeff, Pat, and Linda. Probably we needed this episode to turn the film into a “feel-good”. Nice try!

Not boring, sadly current, worth a watch.

2011, Acceptable for children, Based on a Book, British, Corny, Feel Good For All, Horse story, Military, Orchestral Music, War

War Horse (2011)

Leave a comment

From NetFlix:

Adapted from a novel by Michael Morpurgo, this majestic World War I drama centers on Devon lad Albert and his steadfast horse, Joey, whose faithful bond cannot be shaken — even when Joey is sold to the cavalry and sent off to France.

Initially I did not know who directed this film. But it does not take long to figure out: What director loves schmaltz? What director lingers a really long time on many of his shots? What director is one of the few remaining directors that use full, romantic, orchestral music (and that part I love!)? What director just does not know when to end the film? Answer: Steven the Spielberg. But at least he is consistent.

Kids will love this beginning-middle-end story where subtlety is not allowed. Who could fail to love a horse with a lion’s courageous heart? Who could fail to love a kid who stays out in a storm to plow his crippled fathers’ field? Who could fail to love a WWI battle scene in which a Brit and a German cooperate mid-battlefield to extricate our hero horse from his entanglement in barbed wire? Need I go on?

Let us honor the reuse of that unforgettable scene from “Gone With the Wind” in which the darkened human figures are outlined in silhouette against a blazing crimson sky.

Don’t forget to read British author Michael Morpurgo’s 1982 children’s novel of the same name. Don’t forget to see the stage play version by Nick Stafford (which uses horse puppets) done in 2007.

Finally, ignore all my snobbish remarks because in fact I could not stop watching this beautifully filmed story.

1999, Corny, Cowboy, Fantasy, Gangs, Mediocre, Religious Theme, Supernatural

Purgatory (1999)

Leave a comment

From NetFlix:

Big guns Eric Roberts, Sam Shepard, Donnie Wahlberg and Randy Quaid star in this offbeat Western, in which a band of rowdy outlaws ride into the town of Refuge, a settlement where no one carries a gun, there’s no jail, and swearing is not allowed. The desperadoes hatch a plan to take over the nonviolent town, only to discover they’re up against the legendary — and long since dead — Wild Bill Hickok, Jesse James and Doc Holliday.

Aw shucks, just give it a B and watch the shoot-out. It may take you just a short while to figure out just what the town of Refuge is really about (Hint: consider the film title).

Sam Shepard is Wild Bill Hickock. Eric Roberts is a really nasty Blackjack Britten. Randy Quaid is Doc Holiday. Donnie Wahlberg (who plays a detective in many of the “Saw I-II-III-IV” films [and no, I have never seen a Saw film]) is Billy the Kid.

If you want to see some really ugly villains, this is the film for you. However in the final analysis this film does not merit your full attention.