Category Archives: B-movie

2013, Acceptable for children, Action Film, B-movie, Bullying, Corny, Could be boring, Fantasy, FBI, Good digital effects, Mayhem, Sci-Fi, Violent

Man of Steel (2013)

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From Netflix:

In another revival of the Superman legend, reporter Clark Kent must keep his alien origins and fantastic powers hidden from the world at large. But when the Kryptonian General Zod plans to destroy Earth, the Man of Steel springs into heroic action.

No amount of digital eye-candy can turn a B-movie into an A-movie. Kids (some of whom are in their 70’s) will enjoy the visuals. However, if you are looking for anything but corny dialog and bathos, look elsewhere.

How does it happen so often that such an extravaganza features as actors a long list of well-known personalities? Look for Michael Shannon, Diane Lane, Russell Crowe, Richard Schiff, Christopher Meloni, Kevin Costner, Lawrence Fishburne. And the list goes on. Assumedly they were each paid a great deal of money.

To be sure, the bullies never win. But it might be almost boring fun watching them try. For awhile my money was on the evil General Zod and his evolutionarily advanced buddies.

2013, Acceptable for children, Alzheimer's disease, B-movie, Could Be Sad, Drugs, Dysfunctional Lives, Father-son relations, Feel Good For All, Mediocre, Melodrama, Optimistic, Plot Twist, Quiet

Straight A’s (2013)

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From Netflix:

Seeking redemption, family outcast Scott returns to his hometown, only to throw everyone’s lives into disarray. It’s particularly troubling for his sister-in-law, who was once his high school sweetheart.

Give this “Straight A’s” a rating of a Straight B.

However, it is (except possibly for many uses of the F-Word) a feel-good film suitable for children. Since it was a 2013 film made immediately available for Netflix streaming, you might suspect this film is not Oscar material.

Sorry, but for me Anna Paquin will always be Sookie Stackhouse from that TV vampire-fest “True Blood”. Ryan Phillipe played Louis Roulet in “The Lincoln Lawyer“.

There is nothing really wrong with this predictable melodrama except for its mediocrity. In fact, if you are watching while doing something else constructive, this is not a bad diversion.

2013, B-movie, Comedy, Corny, Feel Good Not For Children, Imperfect, Melodrama, Optimistic, School Teacher, Sex Scenes, Teenagers

The English Teacher (2013)

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From Netflix:

Devoted small-town English teacher Linda yearns for love. Enter Jason, a former student whose career as a Broadway playwright didn’t pan out. When she persuades him to stage his play at the school before giving up, love — and controversy — arises.

Nathan Lane, Julianne Moore, and Greg Kinnear join forces to give us a film which is both a comedy and a somewhat corny melodrama. Thank goodness for the surprising belly-laughs. Although you might give this film a B+, there are some interesting plot turns. Moreover, the events are all too possible (“What! A high school teacher having inappropriate sex! Impossible!”) . Several of the principle characters do have some bad moments, some soul searching, and experience some happy changes.

However, that high school play seemed too lame for the audience to be so excited. But then parents can appreciate just about anything positive.

Since I am not really raving about this film, I feel I can offer a small spoiler: there is a happy ending.

2013, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, Car Chase, CIA, Conspiracy, Crude Talk, Mayhem, Nothing special, Suspense, Violent

A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)

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From IMDB:

John McClane travels to Russia to help out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working to prevent a nuclear-weapons heist, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces.

What can I say? You will see the usual car chase mayhem. Possibly the father and son theme adds a little (very little) something.

Jai Courtney, who plays the son Jack, played Varro in “Spartacus: Blood and Sand”.

There are at least two plot twists as a reward for actually sitting through this B film.

2008, AIDS, B-movie, Barely Acceptable Trash, Corny, Drugs, Dysfunctional Lives, Explicit sex, Gay theme, Gritty, Marital Infidelity, Melodrama, Murder Investigation, Not Recommended, Nudity, Prison, Religious Theme, Ridiculous plot, Sadism, Suicide, Suspense, Terrible acting, Unrealistic, Violent

The Fall (2008)

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From Netflix:

When his loser brother is accused of killing a priest, Frank (Scott Kinworthy), a hotshot lawyer with lofty political aspirations, steps in to defend him. But as Frank digs up the truth, he uncovers damning revelations from the past that could ruin his future. Written and directed by John Krueger, this suspenseful drama follows the conflicted attorney’s difficult choice between saving his sibling or himself.

If you are ever teaching a course in film writing or acting and you need an example of really bad writing or acting then have I got a HORRIBLE film you can use to great effect!

Only the (somewhat farfetched) plot kept me watching. Not that it would have cost me anything to stop watching this film streamed from Netflix. At times I sat watching in open mouthed wonder that anyone could act in such an amateurish and exaggerated manner. Think high school actors (although I have seen better acting in high school plays).

If the acting seems bad, wait till you learn the plot. Although I will spare you the gory details, this film manages to dredge up plot lines involving a hotel for gay encounters, a priest who commits a theatrical suicide, adultery, a psychotic gay prisoner, attempted murder using the AIDS disease, sadistic prison guards, a completely amoral and ambitious wife of a lawyer, and the list goes on.

Do not claim that I did not warn you! On the other hand, aren’t you really curious to see just how bad this film really is?

2012, B-movie, Car Chase, Conspiracy, Could be boring, Mayhem, Mediocre, Sci-Fi, Violent

Total Recall (2012)

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FromNetFlix:

Bursting with mind-blowing action sequences and spectacular visual effects, Colin Farrell stars as Douglas Quaid, a man on the run after a mind-bending procedure at Rekall goes horribly wrong. Co-starring Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel.

As much as I hate to say it, I preferred the 1990 version by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Granted the special effects of this 2012 version with Colin Farrell were worth seeing. But that is just about all you get. Chase follows chase. Shooting follow shooting. You have already seen this film in different disguises many times before.

Thank goodness Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel wore different outfits. Bad guys always wear black. Otherwise the two women were hard to differentiate. Is it me, or do many of today’s young female stars tend to look alike? You could say the same for the young men.

Good luck understanding the many sequences in which our hero knows just what button to push or which lever to pull. Just enjoy the ride.

Ho-hum. If you enjoy mayhem, this is the film for you.

2011, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, Frenetic, Horror, Imperfect, Mayhem, Mediocre, Occasional gore, Plot Twist, Satirical ultra-violence, Sex Scenes, Suspense, Unusual, Violent, Zombies

The Cabin In The Woods (2011)

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From NetFlix:

In this twisted thriller from Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard, five friends arrive at a secluded cabin with clear instructions for their anticipated mountain getaway. But when the rigid rules are broken, punishment is swift — and everyone will pay. Kristen Connolly, Jesse Williams, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Chris Hemsworth and Brian J. White star with Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford in this surprising spin on a classic horror setup.

At some point while watching this acceptable piece of horror trash you will probably wake up and say “This is really stupid”. But hold on … Granted that I do not watch many horror films, as in “seen one, seen all of them”, this almost-stinker is probably one of the most original horror flicks I have seen. Following the usual script of “a bunch of friends travel together to a secluded location when all of a sudden …” in fact ALL OF A SUDDEN the film takes an unexpected turn which caused me to say “Wait a minute: is this really a horror film or some sort of a satiric prank?” Lo and behold there stand Richard Jenkins (the father ghost in “Six Feet Under”) and Bradley Whitford (Josh Lyman in “The West Wing”) in a different setting. You will spend the rest of the film trying to figure out what is happening. Along the way you get to see the usual assemblage of zombies, slashers, creepy monsters, nightmares come to life, etc. That part (the ghoul parade) is the ho-hum part. Rather the interesting part is the juxtaposition of two seemingly disparate story threads. In addition, the dialog is tongue-in-cheek and sometimes funny.

Sigourney Weaver must really need the money. Her walk-on towards the end of the story is ludicrous. In fact, the hypothesis of the entire film is ludicrous. Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford must also be desperate for acting work. Chris Hemsworth plays Chris Hemsworth.

Because I am retired, I can waste the time watching this silly but somehow intriguing farce. Can you afford to waste your time?

1985, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, British, Mayhem, Not Recommended, Nudity, Sci-Fi, Sex Scenes, Vampire, Zombies

Lifeforce (1985)

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From NetFlix:

American and British astronauts on a joint mission exploring an alien spacecraft discover that the vessel contains several seemingly human bodies. But after they’re brought back to Earth, they come alive and start turning Londoners into zombies.

Here is a true example of a film that is so bad that it is “good”. This bomb will certainly become, if it is not already, a cult film. Blame my son Mike for suggesting the film to me.

And who would risk their careers appearing in such a B-film ? Patrick Stewart was 45 when he made this stinker. Two years later he started as Captain Picard in the Star Trek series and the rest is history. Peter Firth was a slender 32 year old during the filming. He started to play Harry Pearce in the MI-5 British TV series in 2002.

With its tongue firmly in cheek, this adventure offers us among other rewards: well-endowed Matilda May appears totally naked for most of the film; you get to see humans get their life force sucked out by space vampires after which the human bodies are desiccated; Patrick Stewart lies on a slab in his best suit and speaks with a woman’s voice because he has been inhabited by Matilda May. Fortunately Patrick Steward does not appear naked.

To be fair, sometimes the dialog or events are so stupid or far-fetched that you might actually laugh out loud.

By now you should have appreciated that only if you have the time to waste should you consider watching this screen gem.

1999, Acceptable Trash, AIDS, B-movie, Basically Sad, Crude Talk, Disturbing Image, Dysfunctional Lives, Explicit sex, Gay theme, Gloomy, Imperfect, Love Story, Mediocre, Sex Scenes, Unusual

The Velocity of Gary (1999)

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From NetFlix:

Though they’re rivals for the love of a bisexual porn star named Valentino, an aimless hustler and a volcanic waitress must find a way to set aside their differences as Valentino gradually succumbs to the AIDs virus.

If you are a Vincent D’Onofrio fan, then you are already used to abnormal behavior. In this poorly written film you get to see known stars at an early stage in their careers: VinceD’Onofrio (“Law and Order: Criminal Intent”), Thomas Jane (“Hung”), Salma Hayek (“Desperado”), and Ethan Hawke (“Gattaca”).

This review of a poor film is NOT a recommendation. But if you really want to see D’Onofrio and Jane engaging in French kissing, be my guest. Who would have thought?

2012, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, Car Chase, Crude Talk, Explicit sexual discussion, Gangs, Mediocre, Optimistic, Sex Scenes, Violent

This Means War (2012)

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From NetFlix:

Each determined to win the heart of a sexy blonde bombshell, two best friends and CIA spies turn their secret-agent skills against each other, heedless of the ever-widening trail of wreckage and collateral damage they leave in their wake.

“Acceptable Chick Flick Trash” fairly well summarizes this B-film. As you might expect you will encounter crude language, much talk about penises, flirting, sex scenes, etc. What you might not expect are all the CIA action sequences with lots of shooting. Except for the final action sequence that actually involves Reese Witherspoon, the other action sequences seem almost pointless.

Chris Pine you know as Will from “Unstoppable”. Tom Hardy is more of a newcomer to film. He was one of the fighting brothers in “Warrior”.

Having prepared you for the worst, you are now free to sit back and just enjoy the trash.

I LOVE TRASH!