Category Archives: Acceptable Trash

2003, Acceptable for children, Acceptable Sci-Fi, Acceptable Trash, Action Film, Adventure, B-movie, Based on true facts, Corny, Hundred Years' War, Military, Sci-Fi, Suspense, Violent

Timeline (2003)

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From Netflix:

In the near future, when a technology corporation has created a method for traveling into the past, a history professor gets trapped in 1357 France, prompting his students and son to travel back in time and face untold perils to rescue him.

In yet another B-movie 30-year-old Paul Walker and 34-year-old Gerard Butler get to travel back to France during the Hundred Years’ War. (Old films certainly show us how quickly we age.) Who knows how historically accurate the life of that era is portrayed? At any rate this is NOT a film to be taken seriously. Just in case you don’t remember intimately the details of the Hundred Years’ War, you can always read the Wikipedia account from which the following quote is taken:

The Hundred Years’ War, a series of conflicts waged from 1337 to 1453, pitted the Kingdom of England against the Valois Capetians for control of the French throne. Each side drew many allies into the fighting.

The war had its roots in a dynastic disagreement dating back to the time of William the Conqueror, who became King of England in 1066 while retaining possession of the Duchy of Normandy in France. As the rulers of Normandy and other lands on the continent, the English kings owed feudal homage to the King of France. In 1337, Edward III of England refused to pay homage to Philip VI of France, leading the French King to claim confiscation of Edward’s lands in Aquitaine.

Edward responded by declaring himself to be the rightful King of France rather than Philip, a claim dating to 1328 when Edward’s uncle, Charles IV of France, died without a direct male heir. Edward was the closest male relative of the dead king, as son of Isabella of France who was a daughter of Philip IV of France and a sister of Charles IV. But instead, the dead king’s cousin, Philip VI, the son of Philip IV’s younger brother, Charles, Count of Valois, had become King of France in accordance with Salic law, which disqualified the succession of males descended through female lines. The question of legal succession to the French crown was central to the war over generations of English and French claimants.

As far as this B-film none of that matters. Just grab some popcorn and chill out with the on-screen corn.

Acceptable Trash, Action Film, Action Hero, Digital Effects, Fantasy, Gangs, Mayhem, Mixed Martial Arts, Ninja Warriors, Revenge, Violent

The Wolverine (2013)

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From Netflix:

Wolverine travels to modern-day Japan in this kaleidoscopic epic based on the Marvel Comics character. Vulnerable for the first time and pushed to his limits, Logan confronts lethal samurai steel and his inner struggle against his own immortality.

Some digital effect films are really stupid (e.g. “R.I.P.D.”) but sometimes the effects fit so well into the story in an unexaggerated way that they are fun to watch.

Hugh Jackman does just what he supposed to do: be muscular, be really angry most of the time, and get into a lot of steel-claw-ripping fights. Why else would you watch this film?

If you can get past the lovely woman with the serpent’s tongue, then there is enough sensible plot to get you through at least two bags of popcorn. It also helps if you are a fan of ninja warriors.

Some few details are not really explained: Hugh seems to lose and then regain his steel claws several times.

There is even somewhat of a surprise twist in the last fight sequence. At least I did not see it coming.

Why do these action films include our hero falling in love? Somehow, it just does not work.

Well-done digital kid stuff! Enjoy the popcorn.

2010, Acceptable Trash, Action Film, British, Car Chase, Conspiracy, Crude Talk, Explicit sex, International thriler, Kidnapping, Marital Infidelity, Military, Mixed Martial Arts, Nudity, Revenge, Spy Theme, Suspense, Terrorist Attack, Thriller, Torture, TV Series, Violent

Strike Back (2010)

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From Netflix:

Two members of an elite, secret branch of MI6 — a British sergeant and former U.S. Delta Force operative — track an international terrorist around the globe to thwart his plans to use weapons of mass destruction for a deadly attack.

Let’s suppose you read detective novels. Isn’t one novel similar to the next in many ways? But still you read the novels because you enjoy them.

Let’s suppose you love basketball. Isn’t one game similar to the next is many ways” But still you watch basketball.

In like manner “Strike Back” is a clone of, for example, “MI-5“. But still I continue to get an adolescent kick out of watching the good guys shoot the bad guys. However, the distinction between good guys and bad guys is ever more blurred in TV series such as “Strike Back” and others. Indeed a recurring theme is that of morally ambivalent choices directors make to achieve the “greater good”. “Collateral damage” anyone?

On a personal level this series features a competitive bromance between Philip Winchester (Sgt. Michael Stonebridge) and Sullivan Stapleton (Sgt. Damien Scott).

As an added bonus you are guaranteed in each episode to see (a usually naked) Sullivan Stapleton having sex with some (almost certainly naked) attractive and amply endowed woman. We call this bonus feature “Great Expectations”.

OK kids, have fun watching all the violence. Who do you suppose pays for all those exploded automobiles?

2013, Acceptable for children, Acceptable Trash, Action Film, Corny, Frenetic, Nothing special, Orchestral Music, Sci-Fi, Violent

Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

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From Netflix:

This sequel returns much of the cast from the Star Trek feature released in 2009, breathing new life into the seemingly ageless space franchise. Led by the intrepid Captain Kirk, the Enterprise crew still includes Scotty, Spock and Chekov as well.

If you are a fourteen year old male or have left in your psyche enough adolescence, then you might enjoy this nothing-special sequel to a sequel to a ….

As far as digital effects go, the eye-candy is just fine. If you don’t mind an incredibly over-sentimental (in fact, downright sloppy) script, then jump right in. Maybe you will watch out of sheer perverse loyalty.

2013, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, Car Chase, CIA, Conspiracy, Crude Talk, Mayhem, Nothing special, Suspense, Violent

A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)

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From IMDB:

John McClane travels to Russia to help out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working to prevent a nuclear-weapons heist, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces.

What can I say? You will see the usual car chase mayhem. Possibly the father and son theme adds a little (very little) something.

Jai Courtney, who plays the son Jack, played Varro in “Spartacus: Blood and Sand”.

There are at least two plot twists as a reward for actually sitting through this B film.

2012, Acceptable Trash, Bicycles, Car Chase, Crude Talk, Slapstick, Suspense, Violent

Premium Rush (2012)

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From NetFlix:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as a New York City bike messenger whose routine “premium rush” run turns into a life or death chase through the streets of Manhattan after a dirty cop (Michael Shannon) becomes desperate to get his hands on the package.

Basically this is an adolescent action film with a plot that fails to be important. Cars chase bikes. Bikes chase bikes. That’s pretty much the content of the film.

HOWEVER, the bike riding scenes and skills were amazing. The Wikipedia article does not discuss how real the bike riding was, although I would be disappointed if it were not real. No doubt some professional stunt rider did at least some of the scenes. But that Wikipedia article did included the following:

Gordon-Levitt was injured during filming on August 1, 2010, when he was cycling too fast and hit the back of a taxi. The impact sent Gordon-Levitt flying into the rear windshield of the taxi, slashing his arm which required 31 stitches. A shot of the aftermath of that accident is included as a scene during the credits of the film. Locations included Columbia University, Central Park and Canal Street.

One very clever device is as follows: Willee (our hero) sends us on many fast and perilous rides in New York City. He must continually make split second decisions about where to aim his bike. At certain points in the film he is about to make such a decision and the action changes to Willee’s mental practice run-through of what would happen if he make a particular choice. Clever fun!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Willee) plays Robert Lincoln in “Lincoln”. You may recall Michael Shannon (the bent cop) as the tormented Curtis in “Take Shelter”.

Just enjoy the superficial film with its fun bike stunts.

2011, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, Frenetic, Horror, Imperfect, Mayhem, Mediocre, Occasional gore, Plot Twist, Satirical ultra-violence, Sex Scenes, Suspense, Unusual, Violent, Zombies

The Cabin In The Woods (2011)

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From NetFlix:

In this twisted thriller from Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard, five friends arrive at a secluded cabin with clear instructions for their anticipated mountain getaway. But when the rigid rules are broken, punishment is swift — and everyone will pay. Kristen Connolly, Jesse Williams, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Chris Hemsworth and Brian J. White star with Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford in this surprising spin on a classic horror setup.

At some point while watching this acceptable piece of horror trash you will probably wake up and say “This is really stupid”. But hold on … Granted that I do not watch many horror films, as in “seen one, seen all of them”, this almost-stinker is probably one of the most original horror flicks I have seen. Following the usual script of “a bunch of friends travel together to a secluded location when all of a sudden …” in fact ALL OF A SUDDEN the film takes an unexpected turn which caused me to say “Wait a minute: is this really a horror film or some sort of a satiric prank?” Lo and behold there stand Richard Jenkins (the father ghost in “Six Feet Under”) and Bradley Whitford (Josh Lyman in “The West Wing”) in a different setting. You will spend the rest of the film trying to figure out what is happening. Along the way you get to see the usual assemblage of zombies, slashers, creepy monsters, nightmares come to life, etc. That part (the ghoul parade) is the ho-hum part. Rather the interesting part is the juxtaposition of two seemingly disparate story threads. In addition, the dialog is tongue-in-cheek and sometimes funny.

Sigourney Weaver must really need the money. Her walk-on towards the end of the story is ludicrous. In fact, the hypothesis of the entire film is ludicrous. Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford must also be desperate for acting work. Chris Hemsworth plays Chris Hemsworth.

Because I am retired, I can waste the time watching this silly but somehow intriguing farce. Can you afford to waste your time?

2009, Acceptable Trash, FilmReview, Mayhem, Occasional gore, Sci-Fi, Suspense, Vampire, Violent

Daybreakers (2009)

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From NetFlix:

Earth’s population is up against a vicious plague that’s transforming everyone into vampires and draining the world of an increasingly precious resource: blood. As the human race count nears zero, could science hold the key to a solution?

Do you remember Ethan Hawke in Gattaca? Here also he stars in an intelligent, better than average sci-fi plus vampire theme film. However this particular film is very violent, or (to make a bad pun) should I say very bloody. As the villain in the plot Sam Neill again plays a smarmy, soft-spoken and unscrupulous blood merchant.

Be warned, some scenes are ugly: humans are farmed for their blood; bodies tend to explode in the sun; blood-starved vampires feed on humans; the fun never stops.

Toward the end of the film the plot confused me a bit. Even the Wikipedia article is a little vague about the final scene with the soldiers.

No, this is not an adult film. But for those of us who love trash, it could be entertaining.

1985, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, British, Mayhem, Not Recommended, Nudity, Sci-Fi, Sex Scenes, Vampire, Zombies

Lifeforce (1985)

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From NetFlix:

American and British astronauts on a joint mission exploring an alien spacecraft discover that the vessel contains several seemingly human bodies. But after they’re brought back to Earth, they come alive and start turning Londoners into zombies.

Here is a true example of a film that is so bad that it is “good”. This bomb will certainly become, if it is not already, a cult film. Blame my son Mike for suggesting the film to me.

And who would risk their careers appearing in such a B-film ? Patrick Stewart was 45 when he made this stinker. Two years later he started as Captain Picard in the Star Trek series and the rest is history. Peter Firth was a slender 32 year old during the filming. He started to play Harry Pearce in the MI-5 British TV series in 2002.

With its tongue firmly in cheek, this adventure offers us among other rewards: well-endowed Matilda May appears totally naked for most of the film; you get to see humans get their life force sucked out by space vampires after which the human bodies are desiccated; Patrick Stewart lies on a slab in his best suit and speaks with a woman’s voice because he has been inhabited by Matilda May. Fortunately Patrick Steward does not appear naked.

To be fair, sometimes the dialog or events are so stupid or far-fetched that you might actually laugh out loud.

By now you should have appreciated that only if you have the time to waste should you consider watching this screen gem.

2012, Acceptable Trash, Imperfect, Psychic Phenomena, Suspense, Violent

Red Lights (2012)

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From NetFlix:

Professor Margaret Matheson and her assistant, Tom Buckley, set out to debunk claims of paranormal activity. During their investigation, a legendary psychic comes out of retirement, and Buckley becomes obsessed with proving he’s a fraud.

Give this almost-dud a B minus. Sprinkled here and there in the midst of all the psychobabble claptrap are some fun moments.

Why does Cillian (pronounced “Killian”) Murphy usually play weird parts? Is it because of his unusual eyes? This time his character Tom Buckley is more obsessed and desperate than strange. Sigourney Weaver is adequate as Margaret Matheson.

Initially the story introduces the professor and her assistant in a series of almost boring episodes in which the pair debunk so-called psychics. Only when Robert De Niro enters as the blind psychic Simon Silver does the plot thicken and take on a sinister feel.

To avoid spoiling the film (if that is possible), I can only tell you to expect some real surprises. If you do guess how the film ends, just drop me a comment.