Category Archives: Not Recommended

2008, AIDS, B-movie, Barely Acceptable Trash, Corny, Drugs, Dysfunctional Lives, Explicit sex, Gay theme, Gritty, Marital Infidelity, Melodrama, Murder Investigation, Not Recommended, Nudity, Prison, Religious Theme, Ridiculous plot, Sadism, Suicide, Suspense, Terrible acting, Unrealistic, Violent

The Fall (2008)

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From Netflix:

When his loser brother is accused of killing a priest, Frank (Scott Kinworthy), a hotshot lawyer with lofty political aspirations, steps in to defend him. But as Frank digs up the truth, he uncovers damning revelations from the past that could ruin his future. Written and directed by John Krueger, this suspenseful drama follows the conflicted attorney’s difficult choice between saving his sibling or himself.

If you are ever teaching a course in film writing or acting and you need an example of really bad writing or acting then have I got a HORRIBLE film you can use to great effect!

Only the (somewhat farfetched) plot kept me watching. Not that it would have cost me anything to stop watching this film streamed from Netflix. At times I sat watching in open mouthed wonder that anyone could act in such an amateurish and exaggerated manner. Think high school actors (although I have seen better acting in high school plays).

If the acting seems bad, wait till you learn the plot. Although I will spare you the gory details, this film manages to dredge up plot lines involving a hotel for gay encounters, a priest who commits a theatrical suicide, adultery, a psychotic gay prisoner, attempted murder using the AIDS disease, sadistic prison guards, a completely amoral and ambitious wife of a lawyer, and the list goes on.

Do not claim that I did not warn you! On the other hand, aren’t you really curious to see just how bad this film really is?

2009, Could be boring, Explicit sex, Gloomy, Not Feel Good, Not Recommended, Nudity, Quiet, Slow

Young Adam (2009)

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From NetFlix:

A young drifter named Joe (Ewan McGregor) finds work on a barge that travels between Glasgow and Edinburgh. But when the corpse of a young woman is found floating in the river, is Joe really telling everything he knows? Making things even messier is the unspoken attraction that develops between Joe and Ella (Tilda Swinton), one of the barge’s owners, in the barge’s claustrophobic confines. Emily Mortimer and Peter Mullan co-star.

If you ever wondered what some film stars look like when they are completely naked, now’s your chance. If you take away the nudity and all the sex scenes you are left with Ewan McGregor as a hollow shell of irresponsibility and self gratification. Supposedly he is so sexually attractive that each woman he gets close to (i.e. one or two feet away) is eager for a sexual encounter whether it be in a boat, on some public foot path, in some alley, on lying on the ground in some train yard.

Composed of a mixture of events from the present and from the past, little by little you put together the whole story. For most of the film the question is: Will our non-hero actually let an innocent man be hanged? Stay tuned.

Is Scotland really that gloomy? We spend a lot of time looking at either dreary weather or Ewan McGregor staring off into space. Do you notice that I am trying to steer you away from this downer?

It would be fair to summarize this film as “What’s the point ?”.

1985, Acceptable Trash, B-movie, British, Mayhem, Not Recommended, Nudity, Sci-Fi, Sex Scenes, Vampire, Zombies

Lifeforce (1985)

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From NetFlix:

American and British astronauts on a joint mission exploring an alien spacecraft discover that the vessel contains several seemingly human bodies. But after they’re brought back to Earth, they come alive and start turning Londoners into zombies.

Here is a true example of a film that is so bad that it is “good”. This bomb will certainly become, if it is not already, a cult film. Blame my son Mike for suggesting the film to me.

And who would risk their careers appearing in such a B-film ? Patrick Stewart was 45 when he made this stinker. Two years later he started as Captain Picard in the Star Trek series and the rest is history. Peter Firth was a slender 32 year old during the filming. He started to play Harry Pearce in the MI-5 British TV series in 2002.

With its tongue firmly in cheek, this adventure offers us among other rewards: well-endowed Matilda May appears totally naked for most of the film; you get to see humans get their life force sucked out by space vampires after which the human bodies are desiccated; Patrick Stewart lies on a slab in his best suit and speaks with a woman’s voice because he has been inhabited by Matilda May. Fortunately Patrick Steward does not appear naked.

To be fair, sometimes the dialog or events are so stupid or far-fetched that you might actually laugh out loud.

By now you should have appreciated that only if you have the time to waste should you consider watching this screen gem.

2011, Dark, Explicit sex, Explicit sexual discussion, Kidnapping, Medical Theme, Mostly About Sex, Not Recommended, Nudity, Plot Twist, Rape, Revenge, Sex Scenes, Spanish, Unusual, Violent

The Skin I Live In (2011)

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From NetFlix:

Brilliant plastic surgeon Robert Ledgard seeks to overcome the grief of his late wife’s disfigurement in a fiery car crash by inventing skin that’s impervious to injury. But his experiments on a living woman hasten his descent into madness.

Only Almodóvar could dream up such a weird film. Of course, sexual ambiguity is his specialty. An aging Antonio Banderas plays a somewhat expressionless jack-of-all-trades surgeon who does creepy things with his scalpel. Half way through the story there is a plot twist that I did not expect. This twist (a bit tough to experience) changes whatever you thought you understood. For me the ending was like a METRO bus that just came to the end of the line, i.e. it just stopped.

Expect to see two rapes, much nudity, and a story that is not for everyone.

2011, Drama, Drugs, Grim, Not Recommended, Nudity, Psychological Drama, Suspense, Violent, Vulgar

I Melt With You (2011)

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From NetFlix:

Old college buddies Richard (Thomas Jane), Ron (Jeremy Piven), Tim (Christian McKay) and Jonathan (Rob Lowe) get together one weekend to reminisce about their glory days. As they leave their adult responsibilities behind, they lose control, lured into a getaway of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Picking up the pieces, the men begin to question the wisdom of the choices they’ve made. Carla Gugino co-stars.

What follows is a list of the reasons why you should NOT see this really depressing film:

  • Watching 4 adult men act like drug-crazed teenagers is not a positive experience.
  • Listening to their sometimes crude talk is similarly unattractive.
  • Self-destruction is never fun to watch.
  • Finally, the secret premise underlying the story is too unrealistic to believe.

So why watch the film at all ?

  • All 4 actors do a good job. Each portrays his own personal failures quite well (and what a desperate scene it is).
  • Once the first character reaches his sad end you begin to suspect a pattern and can easily become hooked on seeing each story play out.

Do you really want to watch a depressing film ?

2011, Acceptable for children, Could be boring, Fantasy, Flirting, Graphic Novel, Mayhem, Mediocre, Military, Mixed Martial Arts, Motorcycles, Not Recommended, Sci-Fi, Trains, Violent

Captain America (2011)

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From NetFlix:

Marvel launches another super franchise with this action-packed origin story, which follows Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) as he volunteers for a secret experiment during World War II. Transformed into a superhero named Captain America, Steve goes after the Axis. With his perfect physique and heightened reflexes — and his sidekick, Bucky (Sebastian Stan) — Steve battles the Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), a super soldier created by Italian fascists.

Because of the “quality” of this film I have just invented a new category “Not Recommended”. But then any PG-13 rating is automatically suspect. Unless you are a 14 year old male, I can’t find any reason to watch this comic book. What was I thinking ?

Physically weak but patriotic and stupidly brave Steve enters a machine and comes out looking like a buff Chris Evans. Thereafter Steve and his trusty and invincible shield defeat every obstacle. Oddly enough he does NOT get the girl at the end of the movie. Serves him right for making such a ludicrous film!

Here we have ample demonstration that you can spend a lot a money to produce absolutely nothing of value.